#8
A curious thing about relationships is… As two people with lives intertwined, the relationship never stops changing. And the natural thing to do when faced with change is to hold on tight. But that is precisely what started the death of love. The desperation and loneliness.
Trying wasn’t enough because the faith is gone. Why till the end did I want to try again? Was I still in love? No. Did I still love him? Perhaps. But I do believe I couldn’t let go until I knew that it was all I could do and nothing more. When the love was surely gone from him. I knew he made the right choice and if I stayed it wouldn’t really change a thing. We were no longer the person we fell in love with. And we were not people we would fall in love with again.
The pain on retrospect came from the feeling of abandonment. When he didn’t abandon me, still wanting to be my friend, it became clear what hurt. I just wanted to hold on to something, knowing it would never come back. There are so many moments between us I have to let go. I should because holding on to them serves no purpose if they will turn me bitter. It is sad we have to come to this. But… We stopped being happy. This is the one chance to be happy again.
We couldn’t heal if we were still hurting each other.
